In My Place

2005-11-05

Here comes one Angry Bitch

I had a bad day..well I am still in the midst of the bad day I guess. Alex and I aren't speaking. We have said nothing to eachother since about 2 this afternoon. He is upstairs and I am in the living room. It's best that way I guess.
I can only tell my side of all this of course so here goes. Alex took Z to his parents house because they wanted to take him to the local arts center to see the musical Beauty and the Beast. He calls me after he has got there because they all wanted to go out to lunch. So I got ready and he came by and picked me up. Everything was fine until about the time we started eating and Alex's brother Gary called their Dad's cell phone. I hear my name mentioned and then after the call Alex's dad asked about how much money Gary owed me. You see Gary borrowed 5 of our playstation 2 games. Then lost them. Yeah, those games are $50 a piece so I was not happy that he lost them. Well, Alex's dad wanted to pay me for them and I refused. I said it was Gary's fault and he was the one who had to pay me back. Well Alex's dad didn't like that I had said this and started with the "well, we are supporting Gary while he's in College and he doesn't have any money to pay you back." I still said I would not take his money. Gary has recently (well 3 months ago now) got a girl pregnant, well we can't blame it all on him. So how the hell is he going to take care of this kid? Have his dad pay for it? No..so get off your ass you lazy bastard and get a fucking job.
I felt a little attacked by Alex's dad and was almost in tears at this point. I didn't want anyone to see me cry so I gave Alex my credit card, told him to pay for me and walked out of the restaurant and down the street. If I would have had my own car, I would have left. Sadly, I could not leave because I had came in Alex's car. Alex follows me down the street and we get into a disagreement.
I will admit, there was more to how I felt than just the $300 worth of video games that Gary owes me. I am angry about his whole lack of responsibility when it comes to anything and the fact that Alex's parents don't seem to give a damn. That boy is treated like gold and I feel like Alex isn't and that bothers me. Gary is a fuck up. He gets away with anything and it drives me nuts that Alex doesn't say shit to his parents about it. I guess this shit just hit the fan when they all started talking about Thanksgiving. I have told Alex for the last month that I wanted to spend Thanksgiving at our house because I knew we would be forced to hang around Gary and the knocked up chick and at this point I have washed my hands of that boy and I don't want anything to do with either of them or their child. I don't care how horrible and bitchy that sounds. I am being real. I have been through what they are about to go through. They are the exact same age Scott and I were when I got pregnant with Z. The difference is, we had money to take care of the child. They have nothing. We had family that could help us out. To my knowledge the parents are being supportive..a little too much really..but they can't afford to give out money to take care of this kid. Even Alex's mom wished the girl to not keep the baby. These two have no idea what responsibility is, they can't even take care of themselves.
My Grandmother just called me...and I just started crying and she knows exactly what's wrong. All my friends are married and having babies and here I am sitting around waiting for Alex..and it's eating away at me. She's right that is part of it. I am pissed because I think Alex was getting ready to ask his parents for some monetary help so that we could get married. Now with Gary's fuck-up that won't be happening and I'm pissed. Actually I'm beyond pissed..everytime life seems to be going great..it takes a turn and goes straight towards hell. I am stressed beyond my limits at the moment and feel that a breakdown is fast approaching. I don't want to be a complainer. In fact I hate complaining. At this point though..I don't know what the hell to say or do. I am starting to feel like I just need to pack my shit up and leave. Problem is I can't do that. I have had thoughts about calling Scott up and asking him to take Z for a while. I know I can't do that though.
At this point I can't even talk about it anymore or think about it. Today has been shit...I feel like shit. I am going to bed..hopefully I will sleep until tomorrow. It's too depressing to be awake right now.
~Rachel
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