In My Place

2005-07-01

And..he will be missed

I haven't been able to really write the last few days. A few days ago Alex and I found out that one of our friends Father had passed away. We used to hang out at his house all the time when we were younger and it's just been really hard to even take in. I think we are still in this state of shock because never in a million years did we think that it would happen. Especially the manner in which he died. It's sad..it angers us. We wish we could have done something..but we weren't there. Those that were there obviously didn't have the proper mind-set to use the Heimlich maneuver or anything that may have helped save him.
We haven't been to his house in a long time. For me, it's been at least a year or two..I feel bad now. Wish that I would have gone by just to say hi..but I didn't. Life is unpredictible and full of what-if's and these last few weeks sure have proven that to me. This will make the third person in less than a month that I've known who has passed on. This one is the one that hits closest to home though.
We went to his wake tonight and will be attending his funeral in the morning. We saw a few people that we haven't seen in years. It saddened me that such a horrible thing is what brought us all together again. The crew who used to spend ever New Year's Eve at "Big" Guy's house.
I tried not to cry and was doing a good job of holding it together until I saw his son and one of my good friends hug and break down into tears. I couldn't take it. My heart ached for the pain that his son (our friend) is going through. They were really close. His Father was his world. There didn't seem to be any words that we could find to try and comfort him. I hugged him and let him know that we were thinking about him and that if there was anything we could do to please let us know.
What do you do in these situations. You try to put yourself in their shoes..but the pain of even thinking about losing someone that close to your heart hurts. I don't know what I would do if I lost someone close to me and I can't stand to think of it because it instantly makes me cry.
I've been thinking a lot about death lately and it's disturbing to me. It brought back memories of my Grandfather's funeral (which was almost 5 years ago). I still can't remember much of the week that led up to the funeral and can't for the life of me remember any of the funeral.
I told Alex tonight that I wanted to get married sooner than later because you just never know. He kind of laughed and told me not to worry. However, that didn't make me feel better. You don't know what tomorrow brings. I'm scared for Z if something ever happened to me. I am scared for how he will feel and who will take care of him. I thought about maybe writing him a letter and then putting it with all my important papers so that if something ever did happen..someone would find it and give it to him. What would I say..right now I have no clue. Hopefully the words will come to me.
To all those out there reading this.. Remember to tell your loved ones and friends how you feel about them, because you just never know, and Have a wonderful Friday..I hope it is filled with love, peace and kindness!
~Rachel
This entry dedicated to a wonderful person who allowed Alex and I to be a part of 4 year's worth of memorable New Year's Eve parties. His door was always open to us. Your humour and laughter will always be remembered! Rest in Peace. May your family be blessed. Gower "Big Guy" Cox June 27, 2005 |