In My Place
2005-04-16
I'm a mess...
I've been thinking a lot lately about my Christian upbringing. I can't remember the last time I attended church.. maybe around Christmas, I'm just not sure. That's seems strange for a person that has gone to church basically since they were born. For some reason I just can't get myself motivated to get myself to church. I don't want to go. I look around and see all these people who I see as hypocrits because they act as if they are better than other people and they judge others entirely too much for my liking. My political views definitely wouldn't fit in with the church I was raised. You see I don't have a problem with a person who just happens to be gay and I don't have a problem with people who choose to have an interracial relationship and even though I would never choose to have an abortion, I don't have the right to tell others what to do with their own bodies and I don't have a problem with people who choose to live with the person they love and not just jump into marriage because I don't have to answer for these people and I have no right to judge them because of the choices that they made. I'm "living in sin" myself which is what usually makes me feel a little weird when I have gone to church in the last few years. After I had my child, there were people in the church that I had grown up in that wouldn't talk to me..wouldn't even look at me. That to me was not the type of attitude that I thought a Christian should possess. This holier than thou attitude that I think is ridiculous. I fear these people really haven't read the Bible or haven't properly understood it's teachings. I guess I would say I'm a spiritual person but not truly religious.In other news..the petition for cust0dy and supp0rt have been filed and Scott should be served soon. I am scared. I let it slip that he would be served soon and he actually thinks that he will get joint custody. How would that be possible if he lived in a different state? I don't know but I am scared. I don't like the idea that after 7 years of raising Z myself, Scott now feels that he has the right to have a say in Z's life. AHHHHH..sometimes I just feel like screaming until I have no voice to scream with. I am scared that I have all this hope built up that it will all go my way because Scott hasn't been around for the first 7 years of Z's life..but that he will get joint custody and not have to pay all the back support for the last 5 years. This is all so scary and turning into me in a neurotic mess.
Well..I have some friends coming over for a bit..so I will go for now! Hope you had a lovely Friday..and have a wonderful Saturday!
~Rachel |
