In My Place
2004-02-15
Valentine's the aftermath..
I woke up this morning to a dozen red roses and a trying to be funny valentine card. What I really want to do is throw the vase against the wall and rip the card into a million pieces. First of all..it's no longer Valentine's Day and secondly upon putting this stuff on my desk he left to go hang out with his friends..He wouldn't even open up the card I got him last night because he had not bought me anything yet. Well the point is to buy it on the day you are supposed to give it..not the next day! I'm not trying to be a bitch about it or anything..but he knows I don't like roses..or at least he should. I just think that roses seem to be the answer for every guys mistake and I don't want them. I would rather have something prettier and something more like me..I would have been happier with daisies or something simple like that..it's more "me". and the card just pissed me off..funny cards are good for birthdays and other occasions but I just think that Valentine's Day cards should be romantic and show true feelings..his card was just a little cheesy for my tastes.. I will share it..
It has a goofy looking couple running through a field on the front and says, "Our love lifts my spirits, makes me happy, and changes my life for the better." and then on the inside says, "Kinda like Zoloft without the decreased sex drive." He didn't even write anything special..just signed his name..maybe I'm just being a nit picky bitch..but this is how I feel. I absolutly hate that card. It pisses me off because I took a lot of time picking out the best card I could find that expressed how I felt..and it looks like he took 2 seconds to pick his out and compares our love to taking Zoloft. It just further pushes me to feel like I shouldn't be with him. 3 years of being together and this is the first time he hasn't taken the time to make my day special. Hell I paid for our Valentine's dinner and movie. I basically paid for my own damn flowers and card as well..because I think he used my credit card to pay for it. Last year I got diamonds and this year I got diddley squat..
I took the flowers and put them on his side of the bed and the card is thrown over there as well(and yes I really did throw that fucking thing over there). Hopefully he gets what I am trying to tell him. Although he will probably call me some ungrateful bitch. I can just hear him now:
Alex: Why are your flowers and card over here?
R: (sitting silently because I know we are about to fight)
A: Well, are you going to answer me?
R: Why should I answer you..it doesn't matter and you obviously don't care.
A: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
R: Well let's see..you got me roses..which I don't really like or want and you got me some goofy fucking card that when I think about it..it makes me want to puke.
A: What is your problem? I was trying to be nice and buy you something for Valentine's.
R: It's not Valentine's day anymore.. you couldn't even think to buy me something on the actual day it's observed.
A: You're just an ungrateful bitch who complains about everything. You're never happy with anything that I do. Maybe I should just leave..would that make you happy.
R: I'm complaining because I had to pay for my own fucking present and for our whole date yesterday..and quit with the "maybe I should just leave" shit. I'm fucking sick of you saying that everytime we have a disagreement.
Then a huge yelling match will ensue and he will try and turn everything that has ever happened in our relationship into being somehow my fault. As I'm writing this..I just become even more pissed because he left at a little after 2pm and it's now almost 10pm...what does he need to do for over 8 hours? I get so sick of feeling that I have to do everything in this house..while he just leaves and does whatever. I can't remember the last time I went out of the house with one of my friends. All I have done all day is wash clothes,clean and study. Fun stuff..I feel like I deserve a break. So I am about to get dressed and get Z dressed and head out for a drive. At least that will get me out of this place. I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
I hope everyone else had a better Sunday than I did!
~Rachel
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