In My Place

2004-02-16

Feeling like total shit..

I feel like complete shit. I have been sick all day. It's the kind of sick where you don't physically hurt but you feel nauseous at the mere mention of food. I have thrown up so much today that there just isn't anything left within my body to throw up. If I even think about food for a moment my stomach starts to turn and I feel the need to vomit. I have not been able to do anything but lay in my bed and even that hurts my stomach. If I move the wrong way I feel like someone has taken my stomach and tied it into knots. Alex was trying to get me to take pepto bismal..but no way in hell will I let that nasty shit into my body. That stuff would probably make me feel worse..since the one time I did take it.. I can remember throwing up and feeling worse than I did in the first place..Yeah..no thanks.

The sad part is..Alex knowing I feel like complete shit..went to hang out with his friends. Now I don't know about anyone else..but when I am sick.. I am an emotional mess. Well as soon as he said he was going out for a while, the tears started flowing. I was just pissed that he would leave me knowing how shitty I feel. Doesn't he think that's the least bit wrong? Well I guess not since he left. So now I can't even lay down or anything because I have to watch Z. Why would he do this? I would never leave him to go hang out with my friends if he was sick. Hell I don't go hang out with my friends anymore anyway. They are either too busy with their own lives..or they aren't worth hanging out with (yeah I know that doesn't sound nice..but it's the truth).

So I sit here at my desk trying to talk myself into feeling better. It just isn't working. I don't think it's fair that when I am sick it doesn't seem to matter to anyone. Well I need to at least try and do something with myself today..I hate feeling useless.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Monday..anything has to be better than feeling like I have felt today!

~Rachel