In My Place

2003-11-20

an email from D

I'm a little upset right now..because I got an email from D..it wasn't all that bad..he just said he didn't want me to think he was ignoring me but that he needed the night to himself..and to do his own thing and that he needed to get back on a good sleep schedule..because staying up until 2am had really thrown him off of it. He said it was wearing him out to do it on a regular basis..He said he wasn't trying to deliberatly ignore me and that he didn't want me to think that..and that he hopes I can understand the difficulties he has with staying up so late when he has a career.

I don't know really what to think of this..He said he wasn't ignoring me and that he didn't want me to think that..so why in the hell is that exactly what I am thinking.. I do understand that he has to be up early for work..it just sucks..because I look forward to us talking but I guess every night is a little much. Not to me of course but I understand he has to work. This just isn't what I wanted to hear from him tonight..Alex is out of the house and I thought that I would actually get to have a decent conversation with him..without having to watch what I was saying! Nothing ever seems to work out the way I want it too. I don't want to stand in the way of his career..I have just gotten so close with him and he with me..that it just doesn't feel right to have to take a step back with that..

I am probably blowing this completly out of proportion just like I do with everything..He does suffer from insomnia and I know he has to be up early so I should just be more understanding..this probably doesn't mean what I think it does..I wrote him back saying that I understand and that hope it doesn't mean that we can't ever talk..but that I hope he slept well! I looked and saw that he read it..but he never replied..which sucks it would have been nice to be reassured that we would still get to talk..just not everyday..

Well I am tired and a little upset..so I am going for now..

~Rachel