In My Place

2003-11-17

Where is he dammit?

well..I'm not really sure what is going on with D right now. Saturday at 11:30pm (10:30pm his time) he told me he needed to go to the grocery store and then make himself something to eat.. and then he was going to call me.. I haven't heard from his since. I am a little worried. I called his house twice today..no answer..I left a message on his answering machine.. he hasn't returned my calls or been online or at least online that I can tell. I find this just a little bit weird. I don't know if he is just too busy..or if he is ignoring me. I'm a little hurt by this and I don't really know what to say or do about it. I personally feel he is probably just sick of the internet..like he has said to me a million times..by why not call me and let me know that you are ok..I don't get that..it's only 1am his time and he tends to get online late sometimes..so I was going to stay online just to see..but only for a bit longer..then I'm giving up..I don't know what he will do when he gets the package that I sent him..It should be at his house tommorow..

I spent a little time with Scott (Z's dad) tonight..we talked a little bit and he asked me how I was doing and told me that he missed me. I miss him too sometimes..but not enough to ever be with him again..he told me he was so sorry he treated me so bad..I've heard that from him more than once..but this time I actually believe it..not that it really has any kind of meaning anymore though..

Alex and I still aren't talking..he just looks all sad and depressed..well welcome to my world..that is how I feel a lot of the time. I'm sorry that he feels sad about our relationship ending..and it doesn't have to end completly..I just want some ALONE time.. that's all and it shouldn't even be that big of a deal..his Mother even mentioned that when we were leaving her house tonight..that we just needed to be apart for a little while..now why can't he see or understand that..

Maybe if I sit here and send messages to dave through my mind to get online he will..lol..who am I kidding..that doesn't fucking work..or else the many times that I have wished for something..I would have actually got it. Ah..wishful thinking..it does a body good..

God..I wish that Alex would quit looking at me..I'm not even looking at him..my back is turned..but I know he is looking at me..I can feel him staring at me..don't you hate that..I know I do..I hate that and I hate when people read over my shoulders...

I need some serious massaging right about now..my shoulders hurt so much from playing volleyball and it's been since friday that I played..I hope it goes away before tomorrow at noon when I am going to play again...

well..I guess I've rambled on for long enough..Have a great Monday all..

~Rachel