In My Place

2003-11-15

Is it over?

Alex asked me if I wanted him to move out..I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to break up..I just don't want to live with him anymore. He has a lot of things that need to change in his life..and right now I don't feel like dealing with it. I have been feeling this way for a while. I just haven't said anything. I try and talk with him about it..but then I chicken out of saying what I really want to say. I hate that! I have tried, really I have. Then I look at him and can't say it. He just told me that he wants me to tell him a few days in advance if I want him to move out so that he can figure out where he will go. Are you kidding me? Go to your parents house. It isn't that big of a deal. So they live in an apartment. They lived in the same place when you were growing up.. they had enough room for you then, they still have enough room for you. He acts like his parents don't care about him at all. How come it's always like that for people with parents who love eachother and are still together? My parents don't love me..yours are there for you and do what they can to help you out..Let's get real with the situation.

Alex is always upset lately because he says I am not paying him any attention. Well I'm not really happy right now..so being stuck up your ass all day isn't really where I want to be. I do not need to be your shadow..grow up!

This is the type of shit that pisses me off so much lately. Do we have to talk to eachother all day. I do like to have my alone time. I have heard every one of your stories and I am not interested in hearing about what you have seen on TV. I don't care anything about your asshole friends..I don't like them. I don't care that is the whole problem..I just no longer care about anything he has to say..if he gives me advice it instantly pisses me off..not a good thing. I just can't stand for him to act like he knows everything. I hate that he tries to make decisions for me. I am an adult..I can make up my own mind about things.

Today he got all pissy with me because I went to the gym..Well that is just too motherfucking bad..I no longer feel like sitting on my ass..I want to be in better shape..and the big plus about going to the gym..It gets me out of this fucking house! Yeah I said it..It's the only time that I feel I have on my own..and the time I do have..(I usually go for two hours) is spent with these idiot guys staring at me while I am on the machine that looks like your at the gyno ( I have no clue what the name of the machine is..I just know I need to use it!LOL)

Well it's 1:30..12:30 D's time..I'm not sure if he is coming online or not..but I am getting fucking tired..and Alex is giving me attitude for not laying beside him in the bed..ok the bed is for sex (which we haven't had in what seems like forever) and sleeping..I do not feel like getting in bed until I want to sleep..

Ok..I'm probably being a major bitch..but Hell this is just how I feel..take it or leave it..I don't care..

~Rachel