In My Place

2003-11-12

More of D...less of Alex

I was so excited last night when I saw D sign on. I thought my heart was going to pop right out of my chest! I hadn't talked to him in two days and I missed him terribly. If that's possible..I mean we have never met in person..only talking online and in phone conversations almost every night, but I feel as if I have known him forever.

We only talked for a few minutes when I told him I had a funny/embarrasing story to tell him..He asked if it was a IM story or a phone story..Ok he knew what I was going to say..Phone of course.

So I called him a few minutes later, it was 2am and we wound up talking until 5am..I don't even want to see my phone bill this month. I know it is going to be ridiculous since we usually talk on the phone every night. Anyway, back to what I was saying..I felt so good as soon as I heard his voice! He always puts me in the best mood! We talked a lot about his divorce last night..he doesn't think that it will be final until late January or early February.. that will make it a year that he has been going through all of this.

We got into this conversation about how much we enjoyed talking to me and he told me that anytime he hears my voice it instantly relaxes him..he told me that since he has met me he has been able to sleep more (he has insomnia and usually doesn't sleep but a few hours) he says it's because he dreams of being with me..which I don't mind at all!

I told him how tempted I was to buy an airplane ticket yesterday when I purchased one for my grandmother yesterday. He told me I should have..but he understood that I can't just take off without Z.

We talked about Alex and he asked how it was going. He doesn't want to be the reason we would break up. I had to reassure him that he wouldn't be the reason but rather Alex has brought this on all by himself.

I guess I should explain a little better. I am sick and tired of taking care of Alex..I love him but I don't think I should feel like I am his mother. I pay all the bills, the rent, I buy the groceries, his clothes etc.. I pay when we go to the movies, out to eat..etc.. I know it's not totally his fault that he can't work..but it's been two years almost 3 since his car wreck.. It's time to figure out some way to support yourself and help me out. I want to be taken care of. I want someone to take me out and then not expect me to pay for everything..

Ok..will have to write more later..something important has just come up...

~Rachel