In My Place

2003-10-08

My Mom's gone crazy

I actually wrote this entry yesterday..then before I got to post it..I accidently erased it by clicking on the wrong button..well I was too tired and pissed off at that point to spend another half hour writing everything I had written already..So I will try this again..

Yesterday Z started taking his adhd medicine..he did very well on it..no sign of side effects and the teacher said he actually sat still and was able to do his school work. So I guess I made the right decision of letting him take the medicine..Well not according to my mother..She has yet again pissed me off..but this time, she took it a step too far. I wrote her an email on Monday to let her know that Z had been diagnosed with ADHD and that they had recommended him taking 5mg of Aderall once a day. Well she called the house later and said that she didn't think that he had it and that I was wrong for letting him take this medicine. I told her that I didn't just jump into this..I consulted 3 doctors before I let him take anything. Then Tuesday I got an email..which I will share with the rest of you..just so you can see how crazy my mother is being.

So here we go..she starts off by saying...

"As you know I am against any drugs.

Doctors and schools are great with all this but it is not necessary - this is their EASY solution for behavioral problems.He is calm and does not have the same issues he does there when he is here."

Ok she is acting like I have just given him a joint or something..I gave him medicine prescribed by a doctor..but of course she is probably against all that too..since at one point she threw out all of her prescriptions..She acts like he is a different person when he is with her. Are you kidding me? He is not a mean child or anything..he just had problems concentrating in school..she is Grandma,she lets him get away with stuff I won't. I set down rules..she lets him break them and then wonders why he doesn't want to listen to what I say..

She goes on to say...

"You may not believe this or like this (and remember I went thru enough with you and Robert) but he is happiest where he is secure and loved - and I am not saying you don't love him but in most ways (if you were honest) it is not being shown. When we are young (I was the same) we are only in it for us."

First off I should say that Robert is my Brother(half-brother) and he isn't too happy with my Mother ever since she married her new husband and moved away..but I have discussed all that before..Now she is saying that I don't love my child and that he isn't safe? What in the hell is she talking about? I love my child more than anything..he is number one too me! The safety issue is ridiculous..she acts like I am some drug abusing child neglector.. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, hell I rarely leave my house without my child with me.. and where do I go..to the store, to take him to school or sometimes I take him to the movies..I don't know how many times he has come back from her house with bruises from climbing on stuff at her house..

she continues saying..

"Perhaps you should consider letting me take him for a few years - do your own thing - and when you have had enough of that - raise him in the right environment - and you will not have to drug him."

What the fuck? Why would I let her take my child for a few years..so I can "do my own thing"? I did my own thing before I had him and I am not about to let someone else raise my child like my parents did with me. At this point I am wondering why I even like my own mother. She and my Father basically dumped me at my Grandparents house when I was little. I can remember times where I waited for my Mother to come get me and her ass never even showed up or called to tell me why. I'm there for my child..she was never there for me and somehow she thinks she needs to be taking care of Z...

Then I read...

"I am certain from what he says that he feels left out and he may say he loves Alex but he only says that because he needs a man in his life - but he is better off without one unless he is a man. And to be honest I do not see that in Alex - he may be male but a man is another question."

Now this just enrages me more.. after I read this I stopped reading and went in Z's room and talked to him for a bit. He was doing his homework..but I told him this was a little more important.. I asked him if he ever feels left out and I asked him how he feels about Alex.. the answers I get are very different than what my Mother has said. Z says he doesn't feel left out and that he loves Alex and that Alex is his best friend..now how does that translate into what my Mother is saying? I would never leave my child out of anything..he is the very center of my life..everything I do revolves around him..and he is very spoiled because of it..but I don't care.. I know what it's like to have a parent ignore you and leave you out..and I know I don't do that to my son..And her perception of Alex is laughable..she has maybe spent 4 times around Alex..How does that give her the right to judge who he is..she doesn't even know him..she has acted this way with everyone I have dated..No one is ever good enough..she finds some flaw with everyone and then harps on it..Now I could have thrown the fact that she married her current husband so that he would take care of her..but I am not like that..

Then she says..

"And if I ever hear any thing worse than that from either of you - I'll try to get him legally. Many grandparents have done that when their children are not living as they should. I have not always done things right - but when you remember that the lord sees everything you do and knows your heart - you will do things differently."

Worse than what? Giving him the proper meds that a doctor has prescribed..Give me a fucking break..and her little threat of trying to legally take him away from me..sent me over the damn edge. I've pretty much read enough at this point..to know that I am not going to be talking or seeing her anytime soon..Then she brings The Lord into all of this..she needs to look at herself before telling others that the Lord sees everything you do. I'm a christian. I was raised in the church since I was born. My grandparents are the ones who took me to church not her..she was too busy in her life when I was growing up..Now I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be..No I haven't been to church in a while and I haven't taken Z..but that doesn't make me a bad person. I went to christian school growing up..and I learned a lot since being out of that place. I'm sorry that I don't see things the same way as she does..but that doesn't mean that I am wrong.

Then I read..

"If I was not married, I'd come back over there get him and he could live with me - but unless you decide to have a life that is not self-centered - you may want him to be with me for a few years."

WHAT? If you weren't married has nothing to do with it..you wouldn't be taking him period. Oh and she has the nerve to call me self-centered. I do everything for everyone else..but I am the self-centered one. Give me a break. I spend at least 3 days a week at Z's school helping out in his class, I am going back to school so that I can take care of my child and provide for him.. I took Z's father to court so that I could get child support and medical insurance for Z..Hell I left Z's dad because he had anger problems and I didn't want Z around that..but I am self-centered..Don't you just want to smack people sometime..I am not a violent person..but my Mother has hit the wrong nerve with me..

I continue to read..

"Obviously I am not happy with all this. HE is having trouble in school due to what he has been subjected to - I told you this along time ago - he'd be a rebellious and hard to handle child as he gets older."

I'm sorry she isn't happy with this..I don't care..it's not her right to tell me what meds to give MY child. She acts like I didn't think about this at all. I did so much research and talked to so many people before I ever gave him one but of medicine. I'm sorry that she doesn't want Z to be able to learn easier. And where is this rebellious crap she is talking about..Z is very loving..he isn't a bit rebellious..I did this because he couldn't sit still in class and was having a hard time paying attention and doing his work..but I am a horrible parent for trying to help him? Confusion has set in..Z's Dad has ADHD also..and we knew well before he started school that he would probably be diagnosed the same.. If a parent has it the child is more than likely to get it and if it's a male child it's even more likely to happen.

She ends with this..

"Quit thinking about you and think about a child who can;t take care of himself (and shouldn't have to)."

I'm not thinking about me..I am thinking about my child and his ability to learn. A child can't take care of himself..of course not..that is an adults job..and my child definitly doesn't take care of himself..or else I wouldn't have so much laundry, dirty dishes, or homework to check. I mean damn I am not wonder woman or anything, but I think I do a pretty good damn job. I try my best. I have never had anyone talk to me the way my mother did and I know I was rude when I responded to her..but I felt she deserved it for treating me as if I am a teenager.

I wrote her back and told her that I didn't think we needed to talk for a while and that I didn't appreciate her assuming that I didn't know what was best for my child. I told her she should keep her comments about my relationship to herself..because I don't comment on hers. She of course responded with an "if that's what you want" kind of comment. I never replied back to it..so hopefully she understands just how angry I am at her.

After all of that..I decided to call my Grandmother. I wanted to ask her opinion about all of this. She couldn't believe the things my mother had said and told me that she knew I was a good mother and that my mother just feels guilty about the way she raised (or rather didn't raise) my brother and me.

My grandmother always has a way of making me feel better. I am so thankful that I had her to take care of me when my mother and father obviously didn't want to.

Alex just tells me that I shouldn't even give all this a second thought.. He has never really liked my mother..and I can understand why. I am very honest with him and have told him everything she has ever said about him.

Here I thought I would have a peaceful week with no drama..well guess I was wrong..

On a happier note..I talked to Z's teacher after school yesterday and she said that she could already see a difference..that he was able to sit quietly and get his school work done. He hasn't shown any signs of having any side effects from the medicine which I am very thankful for!

I do feel guilty for giving him medicine.. but I don't know what else to do..I have tried some of the other methods and they didn't work..and I hope that he won't have to take this medicine throughout his school years..I hope that as he grows older that he will somehow grow out of this. I'm not sure if that's possible..but one can always hope!

I guess that's enough sharing for today.

Hope everyone else is having a better week..

~Rachel