In My Place

2003-06-26

Reminiscing

I have been depressed a lot today. Actually it's been more like just this evening. I have tried to explain it to Alex, but how can I explain something I don't understand myself. I don't know why I feel down. I just do. I feel like crying, but the tears just don't come. I feel tired, but what good is sleeping going to do besides waste an entire day.

At least when Alicia came to see me today I cheered up! We started talking about all these things we did in junior high and high school. It was great. Alex got to laugh at all the stupid things I had done. Not like I was the only one to do or say something stupid. Alicia once asked if people had houses in Africa?

Our little get together was great,it even got to the point that we pulled out the good ole yearbooks. God those things are so embarassing. There is a reason Alex has yet to see them. I grew up in the days of Poofy hair and it being cool to see how high your bangs could get, rolling your jeans up a specific way..you know that roll,fold over and continue to roll kind of thing. I forget what they called it, but hell who really needs to remember that. The days when Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice were the best music had to offer..don't deny it..everyone liked them. We can look back now and see the errors of our ways, but then we thought.."Girl you know it's true" and "Ice Ice Baby" were great tunes. Thankfully my music taste has changed!

I love thinking about those days. I miss those days! I think junior high was my favorite time period! It was when I had my first "real" crush. It was when I first kissed a guy. It was when I first fell in love with someone. It was when I felt that awful first heartbreak. When your going through all this all you can think about is I can't wait to grow up. Then you get older and dream about the days when you were younger.

I have been going on a lot of drives recently. I go to places where I used to hang out like the local skating rink, places where friends used to live or places that I had lived before. I see these places and think of all these exciting things I did! All the sleepovers and getting yelled at at 2am when you were still giggling so loud about something trivial. All those games of spotlight where the guys would always try to hide with the girl who had boobs early (that was me by the way.. these boys were such jokers..they thought that if they hid with me it meant they could feel me up..)

I mostly miss the childhood friendships.

You would fight and then 5 minutes later you would be friends again. Did anyone else do the blood sister's thing were you both cut your hand and then held them together. God if we only knew then how disgusting that truly was! Now everything is all complicated. People get into petty little fights about nothing and then that's it, the friendship is over.

Well I guess that is enough reminiscing for tonight! I think I will share some of those good old days within the next few weeks. I will just play it by ear..

Have a wonderful tonight and an even more beautiful tomorrow!!

~Rachel