In My Place

2003-06-26

Lack of sleep

You ever feel like if you fall asleep you are going to miss something. Well for some reason that is how I feel sometimes. I guess that would explain my lack of sleep lately. I will stay up until morning hours as if it's nothing. It's 8 am and I have yet to sleep. That is going to cause a problem if I get a job. It's also causing a problem with me trying to get a job. Somehow waking up in the late afternoon wastes the entire day. Go figure.

God that sounds horrible. I feel like a teenager who is out of school for the summer and has decided to stay up all night and sleep all day! What a life. I guess I can be glad that Alex sleeps and night and hangs out with Z in the mornings. I only get a few hours of sleep when I finally get to bed. I do have a problem with that. I want to sleep those full 8 hours and feel good when I wake up.

It's weird though, I get this feeling that I am going to miss something while I am asleep. I have no idea what. Maybe the tv shows on at night. That doesn't make sense though. Everyone else is asleep so it's not that I am going to miss something that they do. I don't understand it, but that is what it feels like.

It's so hard sometimes for me to get to sleep. Sometimes I have all this stuff running through my head and I feel like I can't "turn" it off. I am such a worrier. I will worry about something until it eats away at me.

Lately all I have been worrying about is Alex. I worry that something bad will happen to him. That scares me. Why would my mind think about that. I don't want to have to go through the pain of losing Alex...so why in the hell would I even want to think of that possibility.

I must go lay down now. I know I need sleep. If I don't get some sleep soon I will start halucinating. I always get that way if I haven't had enough sleep. Now I am not talking about Acid hallucinations..no walls melting or floors looking like a big ocean. I am talking about little hallucinations. Such as being awake but I feel like I am dreaming..it's like a half awake half asleep type of thing. I have a feeling that right now I don't make any sense what-so-ever. But hell I have been up almost 24 hours you can't expect me to be in top form right now.

Have a wonderful Today...and an even better Tonight (wink..wink)

~Rachel