In My Place

2003-06-19

Emotional Entry...

Well I know I said I was going to be gone for two days on a trip..but my plans changed.

I was already to my destination when my cell phone rang. It's Alex telling me that I won't believe what just happened. Now the first thought that popped in my head is that he wrecked his car. However, that was the farthest from the truth. Alex says,"Aton and I were driving and these guys that he knew started shooting at us." I am instantly crying and starting to shake. I am screaming into the phone..."what? Where are you what's going on?" I can't believe what he has just told me. Then all of the sudden I start hearing Anton in the background screaming.."Oh My God, there behind us..hang up the fucking phone..call the police.." The phone goes dead...

So now I am thinking what the fuck is going on. Are there getting shot at while driving? Where the fuck are they and why is someone trying to kill my boyfriend? I am pacing back and forth, in and out of the house. I am also packing my shit up and putting it in my car. Fuck a relaxing trip, I want to be with Alex. I am crying and I don't know what to do. My brain had all these horrible thoughts and pictures running through it. I'm thinking that someone is chasing Alex and he is in his shitty ass white tempo.. how the hell is he going to get away..I am getting ready to pass out...when ten minutes later my phone rings.

It's Alex. They are at the police station filling out reports. Filling out reports? I'm thinking tell those cops to go fucking get those Assholes. What the hell do you need a report for. I am basically hysterical at this point because I don't know what the hell has happened and if they are hurt or not. So I finally calm down a bit and Alex tells me the story.

Alex and Anton were driving on the East End of Charleston (not exactly the best neighborhood around here). This guy who apparently hates Anton starts shooting at them. So they leave. That's when he calls me the first time. They drive off and Anton notices this guy following them..they were in his car..thank God..the guy is flashing the gun at them..so Anton puts the pedal to the floor in his camaro and they are gone. I am so glad they were in that car. They would have never gotten away in Alex's car. So they go straight to the police station..which is where he called me back.

While talking to me on the phone at the station, I can hear the cop in the background telling Alex to get off the phone so he tells me he will call me back.

I finish throwing all of mine and Z's shit in the car and I take off. I keep my cell phone right next to me in case Alex calls. It's an hour and a half drive home, so I start worrying when I am halfway home and he hasn't called me back.

Finally he calls me back. He tells me that they filled out their reports, but that the damn cops didn't even act like they believed them. I'm like WHAT? Not believe you..show them the fucking bullet holes. Why the hell wouldn't they believe them?

I start thinking that it's because Anton is black. I mean it's sad to say that racism is still around. Let's be realistic though..it exists. I told Alex that if nothing is done about what this guy did...I am suing his fucking ass and the jackass cops who didn't believe them. What if this guy comes to Anton's house and kills him? It would be the damn cops fault that this guy wasn't arrested.

I don't want to be away from Alex ever again. I sware I feel like everytime I go away something happens.

My eyes are so red from crying and I just feel like total shit. I am upset that this guy can go around waving his gun in broad daylight and try to shoot at people and the cops don't even believe it.

All I asked for was a little time away to relax...instead I get a phone call that nearly gives me a heart attack.

I tell you, I was so happy when I opened my front door and saw Alex. I started crying as soon as I saw him. The thought of ever losing him breaks my heart. I can't help it. I am crying now just thinking about it. This man means so much to me. He thinks I am silly for being so upset. I however don't see it as being silly. Now I am not a mushy lovey-dovey type person at all. However, Alex makes my heart melt and my skin get goosebumps the second he touches me. I get tears in my eyes with the wonderful things this man says to me. Yeah we have our moments..when the world has pissed us off and we feel like ripping eachother's throats out...but the man is the love of my love. I always prayed to God when I was younger to send me a man that I could love and who would love me with all his heart and make me feel a love that I was never shown before...right now in this moment...I feel that love for Alex..

ok I am now crying...so I must go..thanks for listening to me ramble on today...I needed to get all of this out..if it doesn't make sense I am sorry..I just wrote it as it was coming to me....

I always say to have a wonderful day and a better tomorrow..but today..I want to wish that you all get the chance to feel the same love that I feel with Alex...

~Rachel