In My Place

2003-06-18

New Diary review site and my Mother is weird

I have been kind of busy today. I have started being a reviewer at diary-viewer. I am excited about it. I love finding new diaries to read. I know I will probably get hate mail from those that don't like the opinion that I give about their diary. What can I say though, it's only my Opinion.

Nothing special happened today. I have spent the day cleaning and trying to get all my school stuff organized.

I am still trying to get back into college, I hope to make the deadline for at least one summer session.

I am just so sick and tired of not having a job. I know that part of the reason is there are other people who have more work experience. Well I can't do much about the past. I just have to focus on what I can do in the future. With that said, why is no one even giving me a chance? Take my advice those of you in college now, intern, volunteer, do whatever you can to build your work experience up! Trust me no one wants to hire people that haven't had that much experience.

On another note...

The cleanup has started from all the flooding. I took and drive and looked at all the damage. I couldn't believe it. I must have missed some of it when I drove through yesterday. There were trees down everywhere and garbage all over the place. It looked like a tidal wave went through the valley and washed everyone's trash and junk into one spot. I hope they will have it all cleaned up soon. It's sad though the flea market was hit by all of this. I guess that means I won't get to go for a while. I love the flea market. Yes there is some junk, but sometimes I luck into finding some really good deals. Like they say, one man's junk is another's treasure.

I realized today that I didn't write about Father's day here. I realized it because I have seen so many people writing how their Father's day went. Well I don't celebrate that day. I didn't call my dad or buy him a present. In my opinion he just doesn't deserve to celebrate that day. He was never there for me and still isn't. I see him every once in a while but nothing more than hi and bye is said. He didn't even call me or get me a card for my birthday, yet he complains about not seeing my son.

My grandmother always gives me these, "You should be better than him and you should make the first move" kind of speeches. Well I don't think so. I have reached out to him plenty of times and he hasn't shown any kind of feelings about it. Why should I be the one to reach out to him anyway? He is the parent, he should be upset that I don't want anything to do with him. Apparently he is fine with how our relationship is.

Oh wait, I just remembered something of interest I wanted to write about... My Mom.

Here is the story... She got married last year to a man she hadn't known long. He's a nice guy, but boring. I can't remember if I have talked about all this so I will tell it over again. She married him after being with her last boyfriend for 8 years. The guy dumped her to date (and then married) someone my age...which is sick in itself.

Well today I got an envelope from my mother that had a dollar and another envelope in it. She had written me a little not asking me to address and send the letter to her ex. I thought it was a strange request, but she didn't want him to know it was from her. God, women are so sneaky sometimes. I know I shouldn't have,but I read the letter she wanted me to send.

I couldn't believe it. My mom was basically telling her ex what a horrible woman he had married. Well now I understood why she didn't want him to know it was her writing it. I just think she should leave the guy alone. I know he hurt her, but there is a time when you just have to move on. I sure think that already getting married and moving to another state should have helped out in that situation. Apparently I am wrong though.

I still think she loves her ex and I have this weird feeling that her marriage to her current husband isn't going to last long. Why would it? She told me on the phone the other night that she didn't care if he loved her more than she loved him. Well why in the hell did you marry him then? I just have the loveliest role model for parents.

My Mother is really embarrassing me. I told Alex that I pray he doesn't see me as being like her. I would never marry someone just to be taken care of. I think that is a horrible thing to do. I think there are people who are meant to be together and if you don't love the person you are with the same that they love you..Then DON'T be with them. I just feel bad for her husband. I wouldn't want to be in his situation. Does he even know that she feels this way? Is he with her because he doesn't feel that anyone else would want to be with him? I mean my Mother is very pretty and definatly doesn't look her age, but I am just upset about all this.

Alex said he doesn't think their marriage will last either. It's sad though. She has been married 4 times (including current marriage) now and so far it hasn't gone well for her. I do not want to end up like her. I think that is the scariest thing to me... that I will end up being like my parents..

well I must go..I will talk more about my Mother tomorrow.

Have a wonderful Wednesday all!!

~Rachel