In My Place

2003-06-11

Is she really my friend?

I am feeling a little better today although I am still a little achy.

I think it is time that I give up on recovering the friendship I once had with Alicia. I have talked about the problems we have went through before but I will go into a little more detail tonight.

I am in no way perfect nor do I claim to be, but I do think that I am a good friend. I am there for my friends and support them in whatever they choose for themselves. I just feel that I don't get that in return.

Today Alicia called me (which is rare in itself) and asked me to ride around with her while she tried to find a job. I said sure it will get me out of the house and maybe I will find a job that interests me. This was at 12:45. She told me she was going to get dressed and then she would call before she left her house. I said ok, hung up the phone and started getting ready. She never called me back and never showed up here. Now if she changed her plans I would have been fine with that, but I think she should have at least been polite and called me to let me know she wasn't coming. I guess it's just a dissapointment to me that I don't seem to be important enough to her. We have been friends since we were born. We don't ever remember even meeting eachother we have just always been friends. I just don't understand how she can treat me like that and Frankly I am a bit pissed about it! I deserve to be treated better. Alex doesn't even know why I call her my friend the way she treats me. Truthfully I don't even know why?

I would never do what she did. I would have at least called her. I have a feeling that her new boyfriend called her and she decided she would rather hang out with him. The funny thing is she used to get so angry when I would rather stay at home and be with Alex than go out and drink with her.

Uh oh she just came online..what do ya know. I wonder if she will even talk to me?? I will wait a few minutes and see...

ok well that was interesting.. It's been almost 2 hours since she signed on.. well she apologized for today and said she never even left the house. When it started raining she dozed off and then her boyfriend came over and they watched movies. I said it was ok but that next time to call and let me know so I am not wasting my time waiting for her. She said she would but we shall see.

Didn't I say it would be something to do with her boyfriend. So typical. When I did that she acted like it was such a big deal, but apparently for her to do that is ok. Man I truly have some good friends.

I need to get out and make some friends, but I hate doing that. I just don't trust people and I really just don't get along well with most women. I have always wanted to have a great group of women friends to be able to talk to and go out together with and be able to hold wonderful conversations. I think it was Oprah that made me want this. Have you seen all those shows she does about friends and throwing their little parties. OH it's sickening how much fun it looks like. Who wouldn't want to be able to just throw a party for your friends and be able to spend endless amounts of money making sure that it's the best party.

I am planning on taking my Grandmother up to her summer house on Monday so maybe I can relax and read a few books while I am up there. I am really looking forward to that! I hope she doesn't start barking orders once we get there,"clean this, can you do this?" etc.. I just don't want to start scrubbing stuff as soon as I get there. It's bad enough that the entire time I was up there last time I was either painting her downstairs bathroom or her old rocking chairs. This time, NO WORK.

Hope everyone had a good day today and I wish you a wonderful tomorrow!