In My Place

2003-05-28

He's not fucking going with you!

I have totally avoided answering my house and cell phone calls for the last two days. If I don't know you and don't recognize the number well you're just shit out of luck! Scott's Dad has been calling for the last few days and they are supposed to leave early this morning to drive to chicago. Apparently they didn't understand when I told them I would think about it. I never told them that Z would be going with them. Yet they assume I did. His Dad left a message that I can't remember word for word, but here is what I remember: " yeah, this is Matthew..uh..I am calling about the trip. We are planning on leaving early so I need you to get in touch with me as soon as possible so that we can work out the details of the trip. We aren't too sure how Z will act on such a long trip and so ...uh.. just please contact me when you get this." Now why this man thought I had ever told him that he would be taking my child to chicago is beyond me. I wouldn't let my child go that far away from me. Especially to see his Father, who never calls or writes, graduate from Bootcamp. FUCK HIM. That's what I want to say. But of course I just haven't worked up enough anger to be like that yet..But it's about to erupt. I can feel it coming! You would think he would have got the hint a few weeks ago when I started avoiding their phone calls and not returning their calls after they had left messages on my voicemail. If I don't call you back within 2 days..You AREN'T getting called back. It's just that simple. If I don't like you..You AREN'T getting called back. If you're a DEADBEAT dad who has been out of your son's life for the last 4 months and hasn't written and only called once for about 10 minutes..I'm NOT fucking calling you back. Which reminds me..Scott actually called and left a message on my cell phone today. I couldn't fucking believe it when I was listening to my messages. "Rachel this is Scott." Like I wouldn't fucking know his nasally voice. "Can you please call my parent's house about the trip and Z? Thanks bye." Now why in the hell he would call my cellphone instead of my house phone is beyond me. He is either scared Alex might answer the phone and tell him where he can shove it(although I am sure it wouldn't be said in so many nice words.)or he is scared of what I will say to him if I answer the phone. I am envisioning the conversation going a little like this:

Me:Hello

Scott: Hey

Me: Oh well how fucking nice for you to call my house after so many months. Finally remember you have a son?

Scott: What's that supposed to mean? I called him. Didn't he tell you?

Me: Oh you mean the 5 minute conversation you had with him after being gone for 3 months..while I had to listen to him cry about you at night. Well that little measly call doesn't count.

Scott: You're such a Bitch. You know why I left. I had to do something to better my life.

Me: Oh yes, I forgot..every fucking thing is about Scott. The world revolves around you. Bow down everyone Scott is in charge. No you signed your life away and didn't even think about the way your child would feel with you NEVER being around.

Scott: He is going to be able to see me.

Me: When? On the once a year leave you will probably get? Oh I am sorry maybe 2 times a year.

Scott: He can come and stay with me sometimes.

Me: Where? On base with all the rest of the seamen? And just how the hell is he going to get there and who is going to watch him while you have to perform your duties..oh I mean do your pushups because you fucked something up.

Scott:I don't know.I can get a babysitter or figure something out.

Me: Well actually you won't even have to deal with that. He isn't coming down there. I don't need my son staying with a babysitter when he is supposed to be visiting you especially someone I don't know.

Scott: You can come with him.

Me: (laughing hysterically) Yeah ok. Why would I want to see the person who left me not once but twice and then when he was starting to get his life in order decided to join the Navy?? And why would I travel half way across the country to see you. I don't like you..hell there is no way we could ever be friends. You gave up your parental rights when you decided you didn't need to give me any money and when you weren't spending but one day with Z a month. Now my suggestion to you is that you just walk away from me and Z and never call again. He doesn't need someone who is never going to be there for him and that who would put himself before he would put his own child. Wake up Scott...you aren't his Father.. Alex takes care of him..makes him breakfast..helps him get dressed.. watches cartoons with him.. plays cars and trucks with him..not you. You have never been there for Z.. and now he just doesn't need you....

Scott: (click)

He always hangs up on me when he knows I am right or gets tired of me telling him exactly what he doesn't want to hear.. the truth about how he treats his child. You know I can't wait to talk to him.. I hope he calls now. I have asked him before to give up his parental rights...not that he really has any because we were never married..but I don't want him having any say or being involved whatsoever with Z. He is just doing exactly what my dad did to me. Ignoring his ONLY child. What a man!

Ok I guess that has been enough venting for this morning..I hope everyone slept well last night and hope you all have a good day today!!

~R~