In My Place

2003-04-04

Grandma's sex talks...

I have to get up early tomorrow and I am not all to thrilled about it. I have to drive two hours away to meet my mom for lunch, let her take the munchkin back to her house and then drive back home.

Now I sware if that man-whore from upstairs comes home tonight with some little skank and tries to hump her all night I will have to strangle him. He has actually not been home much lately. Not that I miss the big-headed monster or anything. Just weird that I feel like we are the only people living in this building.

Speaking of not at home, the girl next door to me hasn't been home in like a month. I guess after I had to call the cops on her boyfriend she was too embarrased to be around here. Although she shouldn't be embarrased, she should be happy someone cared enough to call the cops. I am sure she is ok I am just wondering why someone would pay rent for a place that they aren't even staying out. Kinda stupid if you asked me.

Alex is actually a little peeved about the drive tommorow because my Grandmother (who looks similar to Sophia from the golden girls) is going along for the ride. It's not like he doesn't like her. He says he doesn't feel comfortable talking around her. I have no idea why. Maybe it's some kind of vibe she puts off towards him. She has been known to send some bad vibes towards people with her sinister stare!

She is an awesome grandmother I must say she is actually one of my best friends. I can tell her pretty much anything except sex of course. I fear that my head would explode if she even utters the word sex or any body part. She said penis today and I thought I would die. The funny thing is she knows Alex and I live together and that we sleep in the same bed. But she is forever giving me that,"I hope he keeps it in his pants" speech. God I hate when she does it. I quickly tell her no we aren't like that. While I am saying this I am praying that God not strike me dead for lying to her face. Who wants to have a conversation with their Grandmother about sex? Not me. I can just picture it:

R: So last night Alex and I had sex...ooh it was so great.

Grandma: How could you act like that you aren't married. You were not raised that way. Your a christian.

R: Oh Grandma, Lighten up.

Grandma: You are going to get pregnant again. He is never going to marry you. Why would he marry you when he already gets sex from you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself..

Now that is why I could never talk to her about sex. Just typing that about gave me a heart attack.

Ok well I need to shower and sleep so that I can wake up and sit in my car for four hours tommorow! Wow what fun for me.

~R~