In My Place

2003-04-03

I hate being the overweight friend

Alright I took a few days away from diaryland. I really let that review get to me and I don't know why. It was one person's opinion and apparently this person didn't even read my diary. I think this person read like 2 entries and then reviewed it. Oh well, No sense in getting down over some person's opinion.

I have been watching the news alot because of Jessica Lynch (the POW that was captured for those of you who aren't watching tv). She is from West Virginia, so of course I am even more interested in finding out about her! Thankfully she wasn't stabbed or shot! I couldn't imagine the terror she must have felt while being captured. Nor do I ever want to know what it feels like.

I keep weighing myself everyday and it is slowly driving me insane. I think I may have to only do it once a week. Otherwise I am never going to think that working out is helping. I now work out 3-4 days a week. I go to the gym at 10am and do water aerobics,11-11:30 I walk on the treadmill, then play volleyball from 11:30-1:00, then I will sometimes go to the 1:30 water aerobics class. So I am doing plenty of working out I just think I need to watch what I eat more.

I was watching one of those True Life Mtv specials (I usually don't miss them). It was all about eating disorders. It was interesting really seeing what the people felt and went through. I felt bad that they felt that had to be so skinny. I don't know where this feeling comes from. I have a feeling that it stems alot from how society is. It is sad that so many people feel that you are only beautiful if you are like a size 0. That is ridiculous. It is not healthy to be that skinny. I would rather be overweight and curvy than scrawny and boney with no shape or ass whatsoever. I have made myself throw up a few times, but usually because I felt like shit and wanted the nasty food that was making me feel horrible out of my belly. I have made myself do it though out of sitting there thinking about what it was I ate and then deciding I had to get it out of me. I could never do that everyday though. I would be too scared of something happening to my heart. I want to lose weight but I don't want to die! I mean I am wanting to lose weight to be healthier and to look better. I am not doing it for anyone but me though!

So far I have only lost about 5 pounds which isn't much but I gotta start somewhere!

Alex and my grandmother are very incouraging so that is helpful! I just have to have the willpower to keep at it! I want to wear those damn cute skinny girls clothes...I like shopping at lane bryant but I want to shop at the same places my friends do. I hate being the overweight friend.