In My Place

2003-03-18

It's gonna cost me what??

I am in no mood to really be here. But I don't want to abandon my diary.

I found out today that it will probably cost me $8000.00 to fix my car. I couldn't believe it. I don't know what I am going to do. I have no money to pay for it.

To top it all of I am scared that Alex will go to jail for driving with a suspended license. I will be heartbroken if he goes to jail. He doesn't think he will be able to make it, because he won't be able to get his methadone. This is horrible. I am praying that he will just get a fine. I am trying to find out what exactly his consequences could be. I don't want him to be gone from me. We haven't been apart for more than a day in 2 years and I couldn't handle it if he was in jail and I could only see him through glass.

I want to cry for hours, but I can't. I am too scared that Alex will have some kind of breakdown if he sees me get upset. So I have been trying to be strong about all this. I need to just go somewhere and cry for a few hours and then I would be ok. I can just feel it all building up inside of me and I am just pushing it down. I can control myself, I don't want to turn into some sobbing fool.

I must be strong!

I at least have a car to drive that is legal. I had to change Alex's car over to my name and get a license plate, insurance and and inspection sticker. So at least I can't get into any kind of trouble for that stuff. It sucks that I don't have my car right now, but I know there are worse things going on in this world. So I will just get over it.

I am in search of a good job now. I am thinking about trying to get hired at one of the insurance agencies around here. At least then I would have health insurance!

I have been upset about the impending war also. I don't want this country to go to war. I don't think it is necessary. It will just hurt our economy and kill many innocent people. I am disgusted at how much hate there is in this world. It is foolish to think that everyone can get along, but this is my wish. We should just live in peace.

I have to get up early and go to the gym and relieve some stress! Hope everyone else has a good day!

~R~