In My Place

2003-03-01

Pig man Humping!

ok I don't know about anyone else, but I have the worst neighbor in the world. I'm not talking about the one that I wrote about a few entries ago. I am talking about the guy who lives upstairs who drives me crazy!

The guy wakes up at 5 am which I can understand if he has to be at work early. He just sounds like an elephant when he walks across the floor. He plays his music so loud that my walls shake. Everyone in this building has complained about it, but nothing is ever done to the guy. He is a compulsive cleaner. I have never heard a guy run a vacuum cleaner like this guy does. The reason that I am even talking about this guy is because he is doing the thing that pisses me off the worst. The guy is having sex and I can hear everything. It wouldn't be that bad if he didn't hump like he was a rabbit. His bed hits the wall so many times in a second that I don't even know how the girl can enjoy it. It is so loud right now that it sounds like elephants dancing up there.

He has to pick these tramps up at bars after they are 2 sheets to the wind. I say this for a few reasons. 1)The fact that the guy's head is way to big for his body. 2) The girls always try to sneak out really early in the morning...I have seen a few it is quite funny to see them running to their cars!

3) The fact that he definatly sounds like he needs a few lessons from wicked-sezzy. The guy fucks like he hasn't had sex in years and is trying to see if he can put the girls head through the wall.

I kind of feel a little sorry for the girls. There is a different one every week and I just wonder how many of them think that if they sleep with this idiot that he is gonna call them again.

Finally....it seems to have stopped. I just hope that they don't decide to go at it again.

This has got to stop I am so sick of listening to this guy have sex. Thank God he can't hear Alex and I. I was thinking about calling the landlord tomorrow. What a funny conversation that would be:

R:Hello,D. I am having a slight problem with the giant-headed guy upstairs.

D: Really, Like what.

R: Well, I'm not gonna mention the stench of ganja or the clouds of smoke rolling out from under his door...but rather the sound of 2 people fucking like it is the end of the world.

D: What?

R: Yes, you heard me right! To top it off it always takes place at 2 or 3 in the morning. While my child is trying to sleep.

D: Well I can understand you being upset about this.

R: I don't think you can because it doesn't keep you from sleeping at night.

D: Well what would you like me to do about it?

(he will ask this like he is actually going to do something besides laugh hysterically when I hang up.)

R: Well he could start by moving his bed so that it doesn't slam into the wall as he is ramming his 1 incher into his ho of the night. Then he could maybe put some carpet under his bed so that it muffles the sounds of their fat thighs slapping.

D: OK ( said in a sarcastic way)

R: Then you might want to teach him a few things that his parents forgot to...1)having sex with different girls all the time is gonna make his dick shrivel and fall off. 2)It might be wonderful to get laid but the rest of the world doesn't want to fucking hear it. and finally that fucking a girl like a porn star will never get him anything but a skank.

D: Well I will get back to you after I talk to him. Bye

(I won't hear from him until I call him when something else has broke in this shithole that I call home!)

Well I hope you enjoyed this entry...I have rather enjoyed the stress relief that it has given to me. I must smoke a cig now.

~R~