In My Place

2003-02-25

Why won't she listen?

Well I have decided that my grandmother is just too stubborn. She doesn't want to hear anything I have to say to her.

This is important though, not something trivial. I could understand if it was something like complaining...but not this.

She lives alone and it scares me. I am paranoid that someone is going to break into her house and hurt her. She did have an alarm system. That didn't last to long, she had it taken out because it wasn't working properly. It kept going off in the middle of the night and for some reason it made her nervous. How an alarm system makes you nervous is beyond me. It should have made her feel better, not worse.

God I am so worried that someone will hurt her. I couldn't deal if something ever happened to her. Hell I am afraid for the day she dies. We all die I know it will happen some day, but I just don't think I will be able to handle it at all. She is one of the people that I am closest too. I can't imagine not having her in my life. Hell I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

Remember everyone to cherish those that you have. I have so many regrets when it comes to my Grandfather. He was like a Father to me. Raised me, paid for my college and would do anything for me. In his last years when his alzeimers was getting worse, I just couldn't handle it. It scared me. I didn't feel like it was him that I was visiting with. I couldn't tell if he even remembered who I was. A little piece of me broke everytime I saw him. It upset me to see my grandmother turning into a nervous wreck. Why did this have to happen to someone that was so good. He did so much for people. Always putting others ahead of himself. God even writing this it makes me sad. He has been gone for a little over 2 years and I can't believe it.

~R~