In My Place

2003-01-29

God why do I let this bitch get to me?

Does anyone else let their bf's exes get to them?

Well dammit I do and I can't stand it. It's not even all of his exes it is just one in particular that drives me nuts. Why do I let her get to me so much?

You would think since I have been with my bf for 2 years and that we are planning on getting married within the next few years,that I wouldn't let her get to me. But no not me. I let everyone and everything get to me and drive me crazy.

I get upset when I see her name pop up online...I get upset when I see a car that is like the one she has. It makes me want to slash their tires. That is so bad. I shouldn't want to do that to people just because they have the poorest ability to pick out a good car.

I can't stand being anywhere around the place that alex and she actually worked at together. It just gives me this sick feeling in my stomach.

I get this sick feeling when I think about my bf having been with her for almost a damn year. I can at least be happy about the fact that he didn't have sex with her. *looks up and thanks God!* Yet the fact that he stayed with her for so long even though he says he didn't love her gets me mad. If he didn't love her, why did he tell her he did? Why did he stay with her so long? Why didn't he just tell her, "Look bitch, I don't love you...I don't even like you, leave me alone and quit stalking me." Yes she is a stalker. This is how she found the last place we lived and the last place Alex worked. I am sure that if he was still working and all, that she would still be stalking him. She is psycho.

The thing that pissed me off more than anything (and I think that I have talked about this before) is the lie about her thinking that she was pregnant when she was dating him. She never had sex with him and I guess she never thought that he would tell me that. He did and I know and you are a jackass! Not that she reads this or anything, but you know what it wouldn't shock me if she did. She has this way of finding out stuff. I know she reads my webpage..I mean the bitch has erased it for Christ's sake. That pissed me off so much. It took me forever to get the page how I wanted it and then she goes and erases it. Now it is nothing like it was and it makes me mad everytime I go to look at it.

This whole entry is just making me mad..I can no longer think about her today...it has put me in a bad mood. How can one person you don't even see on a day to day basis make me feel this bad.

I think the reason I get so upset is because I wanted to be with Alex before he started dating her and when he started dating her I cried for weeks. I even admitted to Alex not that long ago how upset it made me that he was with her. He told me he doesn't even know why he was with her. He said she was annoying and that she basically stalked him, that is how she found out where we lived. She would follow him around. She knew he lived with me (we were just friends at the time) and I guess she wanted to be with him so bad she was this desperate.

ok enough of this I can't take it anymore...

~R~