In My Place

2003-01-22

more erotic dreams

I had another one of those dreams where I was cheating on Alex. What is wrong with me? This time it was about this guy that I had the biggest crush on when I was a senior in high school and my freshman year of college. His name was Sterling and I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He was so sweet and nice and I really don't know why he never really gave me a chance. I mean I had his friends telling me that he liked me and he just never said anything. Last time I heard about him was when I ran into his brother last christmas at the mall. He told me they both were getting ready to join the army. So he could be anywhere for all I know. He is probably married or something and I don't even know why I care. Why should I? I keep asking myself. I just really would like to talk to him, but there are a ton of people that I would like to talk to. I would love to talk to his sister. I was really good friends with her when I was in high school and after I left for college..she got pregnant and married. Her husband was in the navy and last I heard they lived in Virginia. I don't know where they are now though. I sent a christmas card to them last year, but I got no reply.

Alex has started calling me the subconcious cheater. I feel bad although it isn't like I am really doing something wrong. I just feel guilty that I can't control these dreams. I don't think I would ever cheat on Alex. Afterall, I know how it feels and I wouldn't want to hurt him.

Yet another sign that I need to be psychanalized??

~R~