In My Place

2003-01-21

Maybe I'm not the worst Mother

I have had such a weight on my shoulders the last few days. I don't really know why I have felt like this. However today has started off rather well and I suddenly feel happy. I was feeling like I didn't want to do anything. All week I have barely wanted to get out of bed, but today I have a lot of stuff to do and I think I will be able to accomplish them. Maybe keeping busy will be a good thing for me! I am going to try and find a part time job so that I can be out of the house a few hours a day. I think that will help. It will allow me to socialize with someone other than a 5 year old and my boyfriend. I miss talking with people. I miss people asking my opinions on things. Now that is something I definatly enjoy giving a lot of! You can't say I'm not a giver!

On another note,I have been thinking a lot about my last entry. I don't know why I was feeling so down on myself. I guess that is just how I feel certain days. By all means I don't think I am a perfect parent, but I think I really was too hard on myself. I think that the things that I teach him are good things. I want him to be a strong person and not be judgemental of people. I don't want him to be like so many of the teenagers I see today that have no respect for their parents and often talk to them like dirt. I mean if I talked to my grandparents (they were the ones who raised me) the way that I have seen kids do to their own parents...I would have been bitch slapped. I don't know maybe it's only the kids I happen to see,maybe not all of them are that bad.

I will tell you something that I do find annoying though. I have come to he realization that I can not stand teenage girls. Everytime I see one in the mall and they are talking, I will suddenly cringe and want to slap them. I really want to know what has happened to our school systems in the eight years since I graduated from high school? Why must the word like be everyother word in these girls sentences? I get so annoyed by girls like that. Don't they know how stupid that makes them look? Don't they want to sound intelligent instead of like an idiot? I would hope so.

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Another thing has come to my attention and I seriously think that I have lost my mind. I like a justin timberlake song, yeah I said it. Now don't everyone try and shoot me at once. I myself can't even believe that I am publicly sayin this. I mean it's almost as bad as admitting I used to be a HUGE fan of New Kids on the Block..OMG did I really say it.. wow it must be a day for letting the skeletons in my closet out for a stroll. I think it's that I have such a love for music that the beat of this song just pulled me in and now I am under its spell. I even like the fact that the song seems to be talking bad about britney spears, because I am up for anything that makes her look and feel stupid.

I really want to slap the motherfucker who told her nasally singing ass that she could even sing. I mean c'mon.. Has everyone lost the idea of what music is? Where have all the good singers gone, and why must they be replaced with talentless teenagers who think that being a singer means they need to dress like a whore? I am usually not much of a curseword using person in my diary(although I do cuss like a sailor)but I am just so sick of hearing songs about nothing. I want to hear some good music that has something to say and maybe by someone that doesn't look like they were built in a plastics factory.

~R~