In My Place
2005-04-09
In need of sexual healing
I'm usually not up at 6 in the morning, but I am mad and just can't go to sleep. The reason I'm mad..Alex of course because what else in the world do I have to be mad about.Now I know how everyone says that men and women don't think alike and I believe that a hundred percent. But I don't understand the complete lack of thinking Alex decided to display tonight. I went and took a shower tonight I even fucking shaved my legs and all..I mean hell, Z is at his grandmothers so I'm thinking..alrighty I'm getting laid tonight!! Boy was I fucking wrong! After my shower I just went ahead and went into our bedroom and waited for him..and waited.. and waited..I just started watching a movie.. "Pieces of April" (an excellent movie by the way!) Now usually as soon as Alex hears me go in our bedroom for the night he goes ahead and comes to bed as well. Apparently tonight though he decided he would rather watch tv in the living room while I sat upstairs getting more angry by the minute. Now I know some may assume well he doesn't read minds..how was he supposed to know. He knew..and this will make us totally sound like some old married couple but..we talked about it not an hour before I went to bed.. He knew I what the hell I wanted to do.. apparently he forgot..a guy forgot that someone was waiting upstairs to have sex.. What the hell is wrong with him?? I swear..I wanted to choke him..I finally come downstairs to see him sitting on the couch watching fucking men in bl@ck. Are you kidding me? That movies only like 10 years old and you've only seen it like a hundred times..what's one more I guess. So I ask him why the fuck he has left me sitting upstairs for 2 fucking hours waiting for him to come to bed..His answer of course was that he thought I went to bed..AHHHHHH I want to stab him at this point..can't I for once not have to explain things to someone.. can't they just understand without all the fucking bullshit..I'M SICK OF IT! Then he has the fucking nerve to act like I've done something wrong..he's acting all pissy with me and just rolled over in bed to sleep..THAT LITTLE FUCKER!
It's obvious..I need a new man..one that understands me, can comfort me when I'm upset instead of acting like an ass, one who wants to show affection, one who doesn't wait for me to ask for sex, one who doesn't expect me to give him all the pleasure but one that actually once in a while understands that I would like some in return. At this point I have no reason to marry this person so why the fuck do I stay with him..apparently I like to torture myself. I think I have this hope that he will change into this person who exists in my head but in all reality is just to fucking good to be true. Ahhh I am but a dreamer.
Now I say all this stuff..and right now I truly fucking mean it..tomorrow I'll read it and wonder why the fuck I said all this shit!
REMINDER TO SELF: You said it because it's all fucking true and the truth hurts...face it..communicate this to him and if he doesn't fucking understand why you feel this way..tell him don't let the fucking door hit ya where the good Lord split ya and be on with your life...
Hope everyone else had a better Friday.. oh and I hope you got laid as well..Lord knows I didn't..
~Rachel |
