In My Place

2004-06-06

becoming a recluse

I know I haven't written in a while and it's because I've had nothing of real importance to say.

I've been busy at Z's school this last week and his last day of Kindergarten will be Monday..awww. I have been studying my arse off as well. My grades aren't looking as well as I would have liked them too..but it's too late to change that now. I was hoping to be on the deans list..but I think my gpa will be just below the cutoff for it. I will just have to do better next semester.

Alex has been pissing me off lately although I hate to write bad things about him..because I do love him and don't want others thinking badly of him..he is just driving me crazy. He is never home anymore. I hardly ever leave the house. I am becoming some sort of recluse here and it's mainly that I choose to be. more on that in a bit..back to the big AL.

So, he's never home and when he is everything he does irks me. He could look at me and smile and it will irk me. We went to a birthday party for a friend of ours child. It was boring for me because the only people I knew was the father of said child, Alex and my own child. Z got along fine with all the other children..Alex hung out with all his little buddies and I sat in the corner of the living room in the most comfortable chair in the world. I sat in this chair almost the entire time bored to tears. Alex got pissed at me when he saw I was in a mood. Well you would be too if you felt out of place. After he got all pissy with me..I just ignored him..sat there a minute and then went outside with him to watch Z play with the other kids..after that we seemed to get along fine..until he tells me that he is going to come home spend a little time with me and then go to a friends house (a guy that was actually at the party) So I asked a simple question..Why? You just spent all day with him at the party. He gets all pissy and says don't start with me. So I didn't even bother saying anything.

We finally get home (we spent 4 1/2 hours at this party) he spends maybe 20 minutes in the house and kisses me and says well I'm leaving. Guess what time he came home..2:30am. I just love spending so much time alone. He is content that because he spends his days in the house and I happen to be present some of that time...that it constitutes spending time with me. Well, I say no. I am usually busy doing housework and he is doing whatever it is that he does. How is that quality time? I have yet to figure it out.

I really haven't figured out the whole me becoming a recluse thing yet..but it's slowly happening. The only time I really leave is to take Z to school and pick him up and I will go to the grocery store if need be. I don't hang out with any of my friends and don't see my Grandmother that much anymore either. I guess I just feel better when I am at home. I am starting to think that I better start getting out of the house though before I really never leave the house.

well it's 5am and I really would like to get a little sleep before the little monster wakes up!

~Rachel