In My Place
2004-04-10
More about Virginia...and yeah I go off topic..who cares
So more about my trip...I will have to say that I think Virginia just might be the cleanest state I have ever visited..or at least the part of Virginia I was in. Hell even the rest area restrooms were clean. It didn't even smell like piss in there. It was lovely. But I will have to say that the mall we visited in Norfolk had to be the nicest and cleanest mall I have ever been too. The MacArthur Center was absolutely awesome. I am used to the mall in Charleston where the bathrooms are just gross. I have this thing about using public restrooms..I don't use them. They are usually smelly and dirty and I feel like the germs will jump up on me from 50 feet away. Not this mall though..the bathrooms were spotless. They had leather couches and leather baby changing stations in the bathrooms..maybe it's just because I'm from a small city..but I have never seen a leather changing station. Anywho enough about bathrooms.
I rarely visit the local Malls in Charleston because first off they are too expensive and secondly we don't have that much of a variety of different stores. This mall however had everything I could ever want! I about passed out when I rounded one corner and saw the best store in the whole wide world..yes my friends..they had a Pottery Barn! I thought I would die! I only wish that I could have gone in there and bought everything they had in there..but alas..I am a single parent in college..so what does that mean..no Pottery Barn money..ahhh the pain!
They also had another store that I think I could have spent a few thousand dollars in..Williams Sonoma. I don't know about anyone else..but I have a severe problem with buying stuff for a kitchen. I think I have about 12 different sets of dishes and only wish I had every gadget for the kitchen that they make. I'm on my way to owning all of them though. I can't help it. I love buying stuff for the house! I love decorating etc. I should have been a designer..maybe I can do that as a side job..you never know..I just enjoy it so much!
Anyway..back to the trip. For some reason I miss Scott right now. Don't ask me why..because I haven't a clue as to why I would even have a second thought about him. I guess I have never gotten over him or something. He was my first love. I had a child with him so we will always be connected in some way. But this is the person who can look at me the wrong way and send me into a rage. He can drive me nuts with the tone of his voice. I guess it's that since he has joined the Navy..he has done so much growing up. He's become a man who has responsibilities and goes to work everyday and doesn't sit around playing video games all day anymore. The guy who no longer acts like a complete asshole 24 hours a day. While he still does act like an asshole every once in a while..he's nothing like he used to be. It still upsets me that I don't think he is responsible enough for Z. I am scared to death to let Z go spend a month with him this summer. I don't want him to go and Scott said if I didn't then he would take me to court to try and get joint custody..and I'm sure he would get it because he is in the Navy while I am just a college student. That makes me angry that he even threatened me with that. Why should he get any kind of custody? Where was he for the first 6 years of Z's life? He never helped me out monetarily and hardly ever spent any time with Z even when he lived only 10 minutes away..see one minute I can talk nice about him and then the more I think about him the more I want to crawl into the closet and cry.
It brings tears to my eyes to even think about him taking me to court. I'm scared to death that he is going to try and take Z away from me. Everyone has told me that if he ever gets married that he would probably try and take Z away from me. That scares the shit out of me. I don't know what I would do if that ever happened. That is why sometimes I just wish he would get stationed very far away and just stop contacting us period. Then I wouldn't have to worry about him taking Z away. I really wanted to tell him to take the measly amount of child support I get a month (trust me it wouldn't feed Z for a week) and shove it up his skinny little ass and never contact us again..but if I do that..he probably would go staight to court. He even told me that he had already talked to people about getting joint custody. Why? I can't understand why all of the sudden he thinks he has the right to have contact with Z. Giving child support doesn't entitle you to shit in my opinion. He isn't here helping me raise Z..he is off doing whatever the hell he wants to. Yeah there it is..I said it...THAT is what pisses me off. We both made this decision to have a child and I am the only one sticking with Z. Scott left. I could go on and on about this subject..but I have already strayed enough from the subject..so I will stop for now. I am almost tempted to write Scott and tell him what a prick I think he is..but that will only make things worse. See I went from missing him..to well not hating (because I don't hate anyone) him but not liking him very much at all. This is what he can do to me in less than a minute.
Have a nice weekend all!
~Rachel
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