In My Place

2004-02-21

sick again..it's nothing new

I feel like complete crap once again. Apparently it is that special time of year..when Rachel gets to be sick for about a month..lovely. I just now got over my food poisoning adventure and woke up today barely able to breath out of one nostril and my head feels like someone bashed me with a wooden beam. It's the worst feeling in the world not being able to breath well. One good thing that has come out of all this sickness though...It has forced me to quit smoking. Yes yours truly is trying to quit once and for all. I'm sick of my clothes smelling like smoke..I'm sick of feeling like I am hacking up a lung some mornings when I wake up... and I am scared to death of getting some horrible desease like emphysema.. I personally do not want to spend my older years in life walking around with an oxygen tank not being able to function without it. I like being able to breath.. and want to enjoy it fully!

Now I may just be saying all of this for nothing..who knows I could be back smoking tomorrow. I have found it's a hard thing for me to quit and I really don't want to gain weight because of it. However..I have been on Atkins awhile and think I will be ok with the weight thing...it's that will power thing that gets the better of me. I am going to try my best though and that's really all I can do!

It's sad that at 7pm and really feel like going to bed. That feels like such an old lady thing to say..but I have been awake since 2am..I feel like shit and hell the bed just seems to be calling me...It looks all soft and comfy and I need that right now. I would love to take a hot bubble bath and feel all relaxed and lovely..but I'm afraid I would fall asleep in the tub and drowned or something..and well I'm just not interested in drowning today. Although damn a bath sounds lovely..maybe I can force myself to stay awake for 20 more minutes..just long enough to get in and soak a few minutes and still be able to keep my eyelids open...but then again..do I want to go to all the trouble of having to get all wet and damn it's so sad that I am sitting here debating with myself on whether or not I should treat myself to a bubble bath because I feel like shit. That is a sure fire sign that I am in definite need..so on that note..I'm off for a lovely and hopefully relaxing bath..

I hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday...

~Rachel