In My Place

2004-01-11

3 year anniversary

So..Alex and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary last night..and yes even though we aren't married we still celebrate it as if it's a big deal.. Last night we did the dinner and a movie thing..it was ok..I mean nothing special or anything..we don't exchange gifts we just spend the day together. We saw the movie Big Fish..I really like the movie..would have been nicer if their weren't a bunch of assholes talking during the movie..that shit gets on my last nerve..

The sad thing..no sex last night..you know it's sickening that I can't even remember the last time Alex and I had sex..at first I started thinking that maybe he was getting it somewhere else..but I know he isn't.. he just feels like shit all the time therefore he never wants to do it..but you know it's not exactly like I want to do it either..but it's sad..we are 26 years old..we should fucking like rabbits... and I probably would be..if I was with someone else..Someone that if I did want to have sex...I wouldn't feel like I needed to beg to get it.. This is just one more reason to leave him..but yet I stay...We almost broke up about a week ago..he was telling me that he knows I deserve better and he knows he isn't good enough for me etc.. but I can't let him go..he keeps dropping these hints that if he leaves he will kill himself..because the only way he can live is with me..so what am I supposed to do..let him go and kill himself and feel guilty the rest of my life because it would be my fault.. or just feel stuck with him and live my life feeling like I have two children to raise instead of one?

Well I need to go..need to get busy cleaning the house and washing clothes before I have to send Z to school tomorrow..

Have a wonderful Sunday all...