In My Place

2003-12-13

Talking to D again!

Well it's 5am and I am still awake..I have screwed up my sleeping schedule so bad..this sucks..I'm awake while everyone else sleeps..I will get a few hours sleep and then be back up again. I'm like a zombie..barely able to function. It's weird..I try to lay down and go to sleep but I just can't.

I did get to talk to D tonight so that made me happy! I have missed our phone conversations so much! We only talked about an hour and a half because he was getting tired. He is under so much stress right now though..so I understand. We talked about all that has been going on in the last two weeks. He has been through so much this year and everything seemed to be going wrong for him within the last two weeks. He explained to me that was the main reason he was avoiding me. He apologized for that but said that he knew I didn't need to hear all his problems and he didn't want to put all of his problems on me. I told him he never needed to worry about that. I was there for him no matter what. He told me there were so many times within the last two weeks that he wanted to call me but he just didn't want to put all of it on me..I told him that he should have called me and that whenever he needed to he could call me no matter what. I thought he would have realized that by now..but I guess I had to actually tell him that. I feel so bad.. I hate that he is going through so much. I want to be there for him and hold him and help him get through all of this..but that is a little hard when we are..521.32 miles apart..lol and yes I did just look that up...yes I'm a dork..oh well though I like to be correct! It sucks that we are so far apart but I would hate to see it if we were living in the same city right now.. We probably still wouldn't be able to see eachother because he is going through a divorce..and he doesn't want his soon to be ex seeing him out with anyone or finding out that type of thing..so for the last 14 months he has had no life and it's really starting to get to him. This woman is trying to take everything away from him. They were together only 2 years and no kids and no marital property yet this woman thinks she needs to take everything he has..WHY? I don't understand it..just sign the damn papers and move on..let him have his life back..but that story is a whole other entry..

I just want D to be happy and not to be stressed out all the time and feel like he can't have a life.

well I need to try and get some sleep..since I have to be up early..real early..damn I'm going to be all bitchy tomorrow..

Before I forget..I can't remember if I said anything about this in here but Z had his heart murmur checked last week and everything is fine..the doctor said that he will eventually grow out of it and that he would never have problems because of it..So that is a big relief for us!

Have a wonderful Saturday all!

~Rachel