In My Place

2003-08-18

I'm so scared to leave my own house

I'm still scared about what is going on right now where I live. I have a feeling that I will feel this way for quite a while.

Alex is out right now with one of his friends and I am scared to death. I asked him not to stay out this late..of course he didn't listen. He doesn't understand how scared I am about him being out at night. That is when all the shootings have taken place. I did make sure to ask him if he had enough gas in his car..that way he wouldn't have to stop at a gas station where all of the shootings have taken place. It doesn't make a difference though..I am still going to be scared until he walks in the door and I give him a big 'ol bear hug!

I would be devastated if anything happened to him..I don't know what I would do without him.. I haven't even let Z leave the house since all of this started. I couldn't bare it if my little boy was hurt in any way. Even the thought of it scares the shit out of me. Oh God if something would ever happen to my little angel it would break my heart..I don't think I could go on living.

God..all I want them to do is catch this Psychotic Bastard before anyone else is harmed. I feel so bad for the people and families of those who were shot. One of the people was my age..he had a 3 year old child for heaven's sake..He was buying some Fucking milk when he was shot. WHY? What in the world did he do to make someone shoot him..Absolutely NOTHING.

I'm so stressed. I am just so scared to leave my house..I call my friends and family like 20 times a day to make sure they are ok. I worry because what if they don't catch this guy..I will have to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder..scared to get gas or get groceries to feed my family..

I did go out of the house today..and I was scared shitless the entire time I was out. I was looking at every car that got anywhere near me..I looked all around me before I got out of my car.. I ran into the store..I was fine once in there..until it was time to go back to my car..I stood at the door..looked around and ran to my car..threw everything in my car and then sped home.

I'm scared because I have to go out tomorrow to get a haircut..and get groceries for my Grandmother..I'm seriously thinking about canceling the hair appointment..I mean I truthfully could careless what my hair looks like right now..but I have to go get the groceries..so I guess I will just have to throw my grandmother over my shoulder and run into Walmart..

I don't know whether or not most people around here are as scared as I am..but I just can't help it..I try to do all this stuff to keep my mind off of it..My house is spotless..because I have done nothing but clean and wash clothes. I have done a little sewing and painted some things..I'm about to go get out the pottery wheel..because I just have to keep busy..or I will sit here and cry from worrying to death.

I will report some good news..I am still on the Atkins diet and have lost 17 pounds in 3 weeks..I can't really tell..but Alex said he could! Well I am glad! I guess that is one thing to be happy about right now!

Well I must go now..I just don't want to talk about this sniper stuff anymore right now..

Have a safe and Wonderful Tuesday!

~Rachel