In My Place

2003-05-11

tomorrow I will be older...Do I have to be?

well I can no longer deny it. DAMMIT. My birthday is tomorrow. I don't want to get any older. WHY?? I want to stay 25 forever. I have liked this age.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow one bit. Something always happens on my birthday and I always wind up either pissed off or depressed. I can never be happy on my birthday, it just isn't fair.

I won't be getting any presents for my birthday which will probably be the first reason for me to be depressed! I am sure my dad won't call or send me a card because he hasn't for my last 4 birthdays so I have gotten used to it. My mom is just gonna send me a card and wait til I come over to visit before she gives me the money! My grandmother who lives in California always sends me money but since I owe my other Grandmother money I will have to give it to her. Alex doesn't have any money to buy me anything so I won't get anything from him. Maybe he will do some kind of chippindales dance for me or something. That would be a worthy substitute for a present. Yummy!! So yeah I am really looking forward to this whole birthday thing!

In other news....dammit there is no other news don't you know my birthday is the only important thing happening right now? Only kidding.. My brother is at home doing well after his surgery! He will be out of work for the next week or so...but I am sure he is happy about that!

I had the weirdest damn dream ever last night. I was being drugged and whatever drug I was given was basically eating my bones and organs. It was so scary. Who in the hell would want to kill me. Well I know one person who probably doesn't like me to much..but I would fucking beat her ass if she ever tried to hurt me...so I know it wasn't her in the dream. I could never really tell who it was just that it was a lady. But I made it to the hospital in time and was saved..AWWW I woke up with my body feeling kind of weird though...

Have you ever thought about why dreams are sometimes so real? I have. I mean there have been so many times that I wake up after a dream and just feel different. I can't ever explain it, but I feel weird. I wish there was some way for me to talk to someone who analizes dreams or something. I think they would have a field day with me..lol.

well I have to go and clean the house a little since tomorrow I am not cooking, cleaning or listening to anyone complain about me not doing any of these things!