In My Place

2003-01-17

Such a loser

So it snowed for what seemed like an eternity tonight therefore my car was buried! But who am I kidding I wasn't going to go anywhere anyways.

I have become such a loser over the past year. I used to go out to the bars all the time with my best friend Alicia, Now I basically sit and stare at the dust that is growing out of every corner in my apartment. In a way I miss those "good ole days", then again I don't miss all the vomiting and hangovers. The main reason I feel like such a loser is that I used to have so many friends and it was great there was always something exciting going on in my life. Now it's just Alex and I (well Zachary counts too I guess)! I just think its depressing to think that the only reason I can think of as to why I have no friends is the fact I quit drinking. I just think that it's a asinine reason to stop being friends with a person. I didn't want to drink anymore it's that simple. At first, I was mad about feeling as if I was an outcast for doing what was best for me in my life. Noone seemed to have a problem when I quit smoking pot 5 years ago when I got pregnant. I did smoke a few times after I had my son,never while pregnant,I'm not an idiot,but I started feeling guilty like I was a bad Mother for doing it so I quit for good. I still had friends after that. So someone please tell me what the difference is? I'm confused.

Alex tells me not to feel this way since it's my friends who are idiots for treating me this way. Afterall he should know the only friend he has is me. He thought the best thing for him was to stay away from his so called "friends" after he quit doing drugs. I am definatly proud of him for doing that he knew it was the only way not to be tempted to return to that lifestyle. I do wish that he had some good friends though. I guess I just can't understand how my best friend pretty much dumped me for this person who she tells me she can't even stand have the time. If I don't like a person I don't waste my time hanging out with them. You would think she would be the same way,but I guess she has to have someone to go and be a lush with.

well I must move on...

Rachel